Coffee Wars – The Spanner of Death

spannerI always knew the coffee machine would fight back.

Its main weapon is the spanner of death. There is no way past it. It has to be removed before coffee is to be had.

Various techniques sometimes work (but usually do not). They include:

  •  Turn it off, wait, turn it on again, and try to trick it by ordering it to make a cup of coffee with ground coffee, even though you have put no ground coffee in the ground coffee gurgle hole. Ha!
  •  Turn it off, wait, turn it on again, and then exhaust it by ordering it to produce hot water or steam through the wandy thing. Take that!
  •  Whack it sharply on the top right hand side, preferably without any warning:

A dog, a coffee machine, a walnut tree

The more you beat them, the better they be.

  •  Take out the brew unit, and keep it hostage for a while, preferably washing it under a hot tap to flush off the trade unionist coffee gremlins.

It would be nice if the machine just worked without complaint. It is not as if it has a hard life; I give it descales when the indicator light goes from green to orange, and lubrication and special pills to keep its innards lovely. I have even taken it on holiday to the repair shop. It is still stroppy.

Some coffee machines (mine is a Philips Seaco Syntia) show no gratitude.


1 Comment

Filed under Culture, Manners, News from at home

One response to “Coffee Wars – The Spanner of Death

  1. Simone

    Try DeLonghi MagnficaS. We have two. And have done so for some time.

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